WORDS BY JOSEPH FURNESS
You probably don’t spend much time thinking about socks. I mean, unless that’s your thing. No judgement. But now that we’re all wearing translucent trainers (mine’s a Nike Element React 87s or a Converse x Off-White, thanks for asking) and embracing the comfy trend of wearing socks with your sliders, you need to give them some consideration. Meaning: the greyish white socks you wear for the gym aren’t going to cut it. Find out which socks we stock are the ones for you:
1. Gucci Socks
You dine in Nobu on the weekly and almost certainly have quite a few followers on Instagram. You probably use the #blessed hashtag unironically. I’m also extremely jealous of you.
Simple, sporty and quite 90s. You’re more likely to be found with a can of Gamma Ray than a cocktail and every song on your phone is an obscure Youtube remix.
3. Prada Socks
When people ask what you do, you smile condescendingly and say ‘I work in media’. You’re not bothered about every Tom, Dick and Harry recognising that your socks are Prada. Anyone that matters will just get it.
You were a goth in high school and you just can’t let that deep dark side of your personality go. You tell everyone you were into Korn, when actually you listened to Evanescence. The skulls on your socks are one the only remaining symbols of your admiration for the uncanny.
5. Fendi Socks
You’re not afraid to splash the cash. Your Instagram profile has 10 pictures from 10 slightly different angles of the same head-to-toe Fendi look that helped you get papped outside of fashion week (even though you weren’t actually invited to a show). Hey-ho at least you’re on trend.
You call your friends ‘dude’, your favourite mode of transport is a skateboard. You respond to 90% of Whatsapp messages with triple flame emojis.
You’ve got the full set: the Balenciaga baseball cap, the Triple S trainers, the novelty logo lighter. Your closet could accurately be described as a Demna Gvasalia shrine.
You’re a nerd for vintage. Your iPhone camera roll is dominated by film camera effects. You like to talk loudly about how D&G are the early 00s most underrated brand.
9. Y-3 Socks
You’re already living in the future. You spend your free time playing with an Oculus Rift, you exclusively dress in technical fabrics and your AI assisted house is so open plan that you practically sleep in your kitchen.
10. Off-White Socks
You’d never say that you’re the coolest person in your circle of friends. But everyone knows it.